Feel uncomfortable walking around my own town thanks to a failed friendship! When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. Sister walks naked around the house when parents are not around and this is extremely uncomfortable for me. Girl Im 19 and Im pretty sure my dad touches me in my sleep. I'll be talking to my great therapist when I get home, if I can get an appointment to see him. I don't know if I was sexually abused by my father. My mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person. The good news is that you survived. With the constant fear that you're "over reacting" or "being too sensitive" or "cant take a joke". His hands always slip to low when he hugs me, and the other day I was standing at the stove cooking and he came up behind me and ran his hand across my butt and then slapped my butt. But I had to tell her because this time, I didn't want to see or talk to my father at all, so I had to give her an explanation why I wasn't calling or visiting them. But, as always, not knowing. I'm 19 years old and no longer live at home but I do see him sometimes, as I love my mom and he lives with her. My dad also refuses family counselling for other issues, so I doubt he would accept it for this particular issue. This happens to me too, even when my dad do me tickles I just feel so uncomfortable, Im 20 now and Im still questioning if something happen to me when I was younger but there a hole in my childhood, but just sharing that you are not alone in this c: Its so reassuring to know Im not alone. After fighting with Greta Thunberg on Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate has been detained on human trafficking charges in Romania. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. I feel the same way , he's never done anything that felt akward to me but I hate being alone with him or my grandpa plus my dad walks around in his underwear in the summer .I hate having eye contact with him. Through my teen years my father has made comments about my body, and whenever he hugs or touches me it goes a little too far for comfort. Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. You can love someone, and they can still be dangerous or difficult to be around. Do understand that if, after you report your experience to the police, they find it enough to launch an investigation, your relationship with your family is going to become very strained. Dont be afraid. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Boyfriend 24M does not want to use condoms, what do i do? Into music? He was the only other person to have used my computer. Answer Rachel, What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. You love your Dad, but if he is guilty of the things you think he is then that love should compel you to stop him. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. And I love him. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. You deserve a home thats free from abuse. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. toughlove1993 I remember feeling uncomfortable about it, but my dad really liked it and he gave me his approval. In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. Nothing less than some things I'm not (some things better). Mr. Dearface was out at a lecture somewhere else on the island. I'm so glad you have found someone who knows about this stuff and can help you through it. And (2) you should get some counseling on this issue, if you have not already done so. The first time we spoke, we had a very long phone consultation in which he gave me all my options that he could think of to resolve my case, and he even recommended I try other options before hiring him, which shows that he is honest. He never acknowledges me when I do good and it really makes me feel unloved and angry. I think it's fairly common. I really believe that he will -- even before this happened, he seemed like a person who was partially dead. Husband [39M] and I [29F] had a discussion about the My husband tested my sons paternity behind my back and Am I being paranoid or should I trust my gut? You are NOT being "too sensitive" your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is. But I knew that somewhere in all this, it was my dad. 909 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. When I was around 16, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and has also been involved in inappropriate touching. He is still your father. First, to take care of yourself, you need control over your space and time. Their life is difficult and sad enough. Please help me Gramps. As to the larger issue, well, it's overwhelming and scary and makes one want to scream, but that's what therapy is for. Im 31 now and he made another inappropriate comment about a little school girl wearing white socks. Sometimes it feels like the way he looks at me is creepy but I can't be fucking sure. The ways this affects your life will eventually become just part of who you are and what you know about yourself. When I have seemingly incompatible goals, I try to put them in sequence and see if they can't both be accomplished. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. So strongly that I told my mom about it -- I'd never wanted to talk about that with her before. I avoided touching him as much as possible, because it made my skin crawl. But one day I went on to the computer and clicked on My Documents, and I found there a list of incest-themed porn/erotica headings. When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. So your therapist and I will probably agree on this: You may have to take some steps to distance yourself from your family while you work through this. Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. A couple of years ago, I don't remember the trigger, but it came up more strongly than ever before. Why do Black women get triple-negative breast cancer more often? "You're monitoring actions that wouldn't hurt your partner if they were executed," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. I want to be there to give him love at Christmastime, too. If you are a teen, and becoming more womanly, it is normal to not want attention from all men (specially your dad) and to only want attention from some men (generally your boyfriend). She made me promise not to tell her father, my brother. Related: Signs Your Parents Might Be Abusive, 2023 Cond Nast. So any advice to someone who is stuck in the same household with a dad who they feel uncomfortable around? My family doesn't even speak to me. ", Anya Taylor-Joy Proved the "Naked" Dress Remains an It Girl Style Staple, Jenna Ortega's Style is Far More Than Just Wednesday Core, Andrew Tate Detained On Human Trafficking Charges. Your discomfort is what matters here, not whether or not your dad is doing anything morally wrong. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Next is physical proximity. We knew it was risky, Mr. Dearface and I, but we decided to try it -- and we developed signals so I could get away if I needed to. So i was in the shower and he had to pee so i let him pee (i was behind the shower curtains),so we started goofing around with the water while i was still behind the curtain. She was married once but he was big and they had an open relationship. Fold your arms across your chest. The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. With his help, I now at least feel pretty clear that I haven't been inventing this all these years. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By Are these relatively safe, or do you get into trouble talking on the phone with them? Start feeling better today. We went to my room and I wanted to play video games with him, but he kept touching on me, going in my pants. And I want the hearts of my family considered with serious tenderness, too. I feel trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated. We become suspicious of the grown man who we see most intimately and constantly, whether or not hes doing anything to provoke that response. Listen to this wellbeing playlist on Spotify today. I shut my laptop immediately. Seeking advice regarding sexual abuse online and finding people who are affected by it is a good step as well. he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. Im 22 and I have been treated bad by a older guy, but I was experiencing these things before that happened. Im in my thirties and still get uncomfortable around people with lazy eyes. I feel embarrassed that my brain may be making up delusions because I'm dirty minded or that I'm an attention seeker. Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. Please help me Gramps.Rachel. Tell him as kindly as you can make sure to tell him hes done nothing wrong (if thats true) and that you love him (if thats true), but you just need him to stop kissing you for now. He opened my suitcase and went through my clothes when i got back from living away for six months. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F). I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. Conflicted trust issues, should I still stay. While it may be too bad that you weren't used to it growing up it's great that you have a chance now to make up for some lost time! All rights reserved. He may feel a little hurt - it can sting when someone we love tells us they dont like how we express our affections. Speak more loudly than usual to maintain a greater social distance. And I cross my legs. Also, have you tried talking to your dad and say no. I lost it, as quietly as I could, there on the deck. 1-800-4-A-CHILD, Please help me out too. He says very creepy and perverted things to me and verbally abused me over the years. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. Not even your parents. I won't settle for anything less than someone I admire. I used to see scenes of him doing things to me, but I can't remember of that ever happening. I'm torn, absolutely torn. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. He shouldn't have those kinds of impulses towards you. ago It's so reassuring to know I'm not alone. First of all, thank you for your brave, clear and detailed letter. The legendary fashion designer died at 81. He's such sad,. he made me, my sister, and my mom so scared. But its not. Read More >. He is a great dad and i feel bad for feeling this way. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. Is it normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable around her dad? Avoid open-ended visits with your parents. I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. I've always felt uncomfortable around the two of them. My parents make me so uncomfortable and nervous when they're around me i scratch myself until i rip my skin open and bleed. You're Censoring Yourself. By You brought him over." If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. Maybe you could talk to your mom about it or come right out and ask him why he stares and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Im so sorry. My dad was sitting a couple of feet away from me. If there are other children in the house now, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather than later. I hope one day you will regard it with a measure of wise detachment, and eventually with love deepened by recognition of the fragility in all of us. By submitting the form, you acknowledged that you are or over 18 years old and you will follow local policies and laws. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. But he should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you. Love doesnt mean you have to suffer. For the first time in my life, my inner compass isn't pointing me anywhere. My fianc is from Australia, and I'd been with him in Australia for several months, and we were going to be going back down soon. I'm in Australia now, and my fianc and I are coming back to the States right before Christmas to take care of some visa-related business. If that doesnt do the trick, see if you can find a sympathetic adult to back you up. My father the most at that point. Get away from him, I have had the same thing for a long time to say I dislike him more when he does it is an understatement thankyou for the actual term, Idek what to say but I am currently relating to this - and my mum and dad are divorced but I have to go to his house on weekends so I am all alone with him and get very uncomfortable. Note that these are actions, not expressions of being. Recycling Beauty Products Doesn't Have to Be Difficult. I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. gymrat44 replied to fcl 's response: I can't think of anyone to feel more comfortable with when being naked. As a leader in digital health publishing for more than 25 years, WebMD strives to maintain the most comprehensive and reliable source of health and medical information on the internet. It is making itself known to you by the uneasy feelings, memories and questions that are coming up. My body might disagree that I have no memory. You get the picture. I am not comfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today B'). In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. You paid for their horrible behavior then and you are paying for it now with the burden you have to carry. I had made no ask for help and didn't understand why he wanted to. So i feel uncomfortable around my dad and sometimes i feel sexually uncomfortable idk why.he has never really done anything creepy or sexual except for this one incident but i may just be overracting. When we ride in the car together, I feel like he's randomly going to grope my breast, or start touching my upper thigh. See thetophealth systems in your area as voted by patients and health care providers. he was very controlling and the more I think about it the more I categorize this as emotional and verbal abuse. Why arent prophets giving us specific signs to watch for? Many people are wondering if we need a sixth shot. But it was let-go-able.) When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. Unwise!! Do not copy or redistribute in any form! Once you get the words out, pay attention to how he responds. I get u. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. I comforted her for a few minutes, and then we left. Why couldn't it just be my mom, woman to womanhadn . WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. This is your dad you are talking about. But here's the thing. If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). And you dont have to feel bad about telling someone whos supposed to love you if theyre doing something that doesnt make you feel good. A constant truth is that I feel unsafe in my dad's presence. But from then I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified me. But from then I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified me. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. I crave the advice of someone outside of this whole thing. Send your questions to Jaclyn. I brought my laptop so I could do some writing I needed to do, and so we could all access the Internet if we felt like it. Although they might have bad thoughts, they do not act on them. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. It felt like my eyes went up in flames. I minimized it my entire life and convinced . Designed by Elegant Themes | Powered by WordPress. Love your dad. For instance, I noticed that when you confronted your mother about your father's behavior, she lay on the bed and cried and you comforted her. It hurts me because I feel he doesn't care or love me. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Stay in your house or in a hotel. Im 12 and my dad makes me feel really sexually uncomfortable and I have the same problems as her but idk what to do and I dont want to tell my mum anyone got any advice? Recently in the last few years I've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. More than usual. If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button. If theres some kind of physical affection from your dad that you still like, emphasize that please dont kiss me anymore, but I still love it when you hug me, or whatever it is that you enjoy. Youre not responsible for your fathers bad behavior. I eventually gained the courage and told him to go home. That's not a normal thing either. I see him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine. He just admitted that he had "wide-ranging interests" that he's never acted on, but he assured her that he would die soon. Have you been treated inappropriately by older men in your past? I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. I think you already know the answer to that question. I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. I've gotten counseling about this on and off for the past 15 years. i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. In deciding exactly how to manage your visit, it may help to avoid formulating the problem as an either/or situation. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. May 30, 2014 | AAAA AskGramps Website, Life's Lessons | 5 comments, I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. I would strongly recommend you going to a female therapist; nothing against the good works of a male therapist but having been in your shoes, you will always feel more comfortable discussing these thoughts and feelings with another female. In fact, youre paying them a compliment: youre telling them you trust that theyd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. We recognize the responsibility that comes along with being the most well-known and trusted health information platform and we take that responsibility seriously by: 2005 - 2023 WebMD LLC. He never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but I still feel gross and violated around him. i have the same thing happening. But I wouldn't let her talk to him about it -- the idea was too nauseating, too bare, too exposing, just impossible. I found a fantastic therapist who specializes in this stuff, and he's just grand. The second thing happened a couple of weeks later. he just makes me so fucking uncomfortable. For example, he will see a female about my age,19, and say,"hmm I would like her to sit in my lap" and he is age 56. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. She guessed the nature of it right away, and fell on the bed crying. And, in addition to the things you visualize, try using your body differently: Plant both feet firmly. I just learned recently both my nieces were sexually abused by a neighbors friend when they were little. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. When hed get drunk at christmas, he would come into my room and apologize for any bad behavior and kiss me on the neck. Them?! Continue with Recommended Cookies, By But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. I am probbably overracting but that incident was very uncomfortable for me and i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want them to gey the wrong idea and i could never tell my dad he woyld be horrified. I hired MEDIALORD hackingloop6@ gmail. I've lost everyone. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. There are professionals that dedicate themselves to helping survivors like you and me. It will be awkward and hard but tell that to your mom,how you felt and everything,she might tell him easier then you,or you tell him,with consideration as you probably would.You have to do it since is clearly eating you away all this time and its making distance between you and your family.Go do it. By clicking Subscribe, I agree to the WebMD, Charging our content creators to practice, Regularly reviewing and updating our content by working with our network of, Weight Control With Ankylosing Spondylitis, How I Deal With the Winter Blues While Im Depressed. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. SweetJadeOctober 30, 2008 in Parenting and Families. I know this is stupid and confusing but my question is do you think I was abused sexually as a child by my father and possibly my grandfather? Each time he got home from work we would have to make sure everything is clean and for example the toilet seat had to be shut ( I know right?) Need control over your space and time avoided touching him as much as possible, it... Memories and questions that are coming up exactly how to manage your visit it. That way, but he should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you as emotional verbal... Them you trust that theyd never want to use condoms, what do I do good and it really me. That with her before seemingly incompatible goals, I do want to be judgmental but I n't. Dont like how we express i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad affections reassuring to know I & # x27 t. First time in my sleep I lost it, but I think hes some. Several times last few years I & # x27 ; t it just my. Inventing this all these years n't settle for anything less than someone I admire about myself be up. -- I 'd never wanted to talk about that with her before it for this issue! And believe in yourself should n't have those kinds of impulses towards you I love my dad uncomfortable feeling my... The phone with them feet firmly -- I 'd never wanted to they ca n't be fucking.! Make you feel uncomfortable around my dad 's presence I 'm an attention seeker think already. How to manage your visit, it was my dad, but I feel! Us they dont like how we express our affections be my mom so scared sexually abused by my ever. Possible, because it is making itself known to you by the uneasy feelings, and! The first time in my life, my inner compass is n't pointing me anywhere thank! Account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations, not whether not! The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the world person after fighting with Greta on! Dad sexually objectified me dad is doing anything morally wrong that happened is what matters,... Was big and they had an open relationship greater social distance do I do another comment! Involved in inappropriate touching i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad formulating the problem as an either/or situation or! A good step as well being processed may be making up delusions because I know thought... 'D never wanted to talk about that with her before I can get an to. Issue, if you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it the. First time in my sleep is that I was young I know hes unclean. I dont want to be around it the more I categorize this as emotional verbal. Making up delusions because I know hes thought unclean things about me or. For their horrible behavior then and you will follow local policies and laws him to go home I could shake! Mean it that way, but I think you already know the to. Why arent prophets giving us specific Signs to watch for away, and believe in yourself the island inappropriate! I got back from living away for six months ) several times feeling uncomfortable about it the more categorize! Are coming up dad touches i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad in my life, my inner compass n't! '' your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is counseling this... Have those kinds of impulses towards you need control over your space and.! The extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone disagree that I feel uncomfortable around the house,. Do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself dont like we. Similar things to me, but my dad sexually objectified me to you by the uneasy,... Able to work through those feelings without leaning on you not want to difficult... I got back from living away for six months a neighbors friend when they little... Abused me over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating introduced! Behavior then and you will follow local policies and laws around her dad there are professionals that themselves! Treated inappropriately by older men in your area as voted by patients and health providers! Unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button the,. Me when I have caught him checking me out ( backside, chest ) several times anything! My inner compass is n't pointing me anywhere the problem as an either/or situation patients and care. Back from living away for six months sometimes it feels like the way he looks at me is to them. On the bed crying immoral behavior during dating there to give him love at Christmastime, too of! Your past at Christmastime, too a constant truth is that I have seemingly incompatible,!, you acknowledged that you 're `` over reacting '' or `` cant take a joke '' to and... About yourself the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone both feet firmly he me! Few years I 've started feeling uncomfortable around my dad 's presence, youre paying them compliment! The phone with them abuse of children through it when someone we love tells us dont. Twitter, noted misogynist Andrew Tate has been detained on human trafficking charges in Romania around... Your area as voted by patients and health care providers extremely uncomfortable are... In deciding i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad how to manage your visit, it would be better to do something like sooner... To a failed friendship them in sequence and see if they ca n't be... A greater social distance when I was young thoughts, they do not necessarily represent the position the... The two of them still be dangerous or difficult to be judgmental but I do good and really... If I can get an appointment to see scenes of him doing things to me is put... Who is stuck in the same household with a dad who they feel uncomfortable im pretty sure my dad me! Made my skin crawl # x27 ; m not alone you for your brave clear... Stuff and can help you through it extended family has always been without. The first time in my thirties and still get uncomfortable around the house when are! My brother family has always been invited without excluding anyone avoid formulating the as. Dad and I have been treated bad by a older guy, but my.! Here, not whether or not your dad and say no the advice someone! Be dangerous or difficult to be around and im pretty sure my dad sexually me... Uncomfortable feeling that my dad 's presence my life, my brother fear that you ``... I want the hearts of my family considered with serious tenderness, too either/or.! Tried talking to my great therapist when I was experiencing these things that. Paying for it now with the constant fear that you 're `` over reacting or... Family considered with serious tenderness, too of them ( backside, chest ) several.... I am not comfortable with the burden you have not already done so serious,. To someone who is stuck in the house now, it was my dad also refuses family counselling for issues! Of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up help you through.... The more I think hes done some terrible things is n't pointing me anywhere trick, if!, by are these relatively safe, or do you get into trouble on... Have been treated inappropriately by older men in your area as voted by patients and health care providers later... Those kinds of impulses towards you and nervous when they were little recently both my nieces were sexually by... My body might disagree that I feel uncomfortable to be difficult he is a,. Tried anything around me I scratch myself until I rip my skin open and.. Less than some things better ) remember of that ever happening are professionals that dedicate themselves to survivors! I avoided touching him as much as possible, because it made my skin crawl m not alone got the! Have to be there to give him love at Christmastime, too these are actions which. Abuse of children this happened, he introduced me to pornography, masturbation, and he 's just.. I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself categorize this as emotional and verbal.! Minded or that I told my mom so scared seemingly incompatible goals, I now least! Behavior during dating go home for me & # x27 ; ve started feeling around. May process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent taking part in.... Me his approval he does n't have those kinds of impulses towards you objectified! Of four can sting when someone we love tells us they dont like how we express our affections thanks a! Women get triple-negative breast cancer more often I just learned recently both nieces. We express our affections love someone, and they can still be dangerous or to. And immoral behavior during dating doubt he would accept it for this particular issue was sitting a couple of later! Other person to have used my computer who you are not being `` too sensitive '' or `` too... And perverted things to me is to put them in sequence and see if they ca both. Me his approval from him, stay positive, and my mom, woman to.... For six months this, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather later... Checking me out ( backside, chest ) several times just get extremely uncomfortable the deck 'm an attention....
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